The last couple of weeks have been kinda hard for me. The thing that has made them kinda hard has been the realization that it’s time to put one of my dogs down for her final rest. I have made the appointment for this coming Friday, 3-9-12, at 2:00 pm. Just making the appointment made it even more real. Because of this unavoidable date with fate, I’ve decided that my blogging for this week will be a daily journal. Kinda like writing in a diary. My thoughts have been overwhelming every time I look at Lady, so I’m going to use my blog as a personal journal this week to help me get through this. I’m warning you up front that if you don’t like journals, don’t read my blog this week, as my words will be written based on what I’m thinking and feeling this week….the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly….you’ve been warned :)!
So as I sit here having a nice cup of coffee with John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Coldplay, Goo Goo Dolls, & several others (Pandora Radio :)), I thought I’d share my day with you. Today started like any other day. I was going to get up and go to church, but I overslept. I was going to make it to the 9:00 service because I had the ac guy coming to fix my cold air return and put in a program-able thermostat. He was coming at 11:00 which is normally the time I go to church. I missed it this week….but that’s okay, because God is here with me all the time and I do know how to read my Bible for myself :).
While the ac guy was doing his thing, I decided to make some hamburgers for lunch. I fed Lady a little of the hamburger meat (cooked) because she’s been having a hard time eating her normal food (she has a tumor in her mouth 😦 ). She ate it willingly, but it didn’t stay down :(. I get sad every time I look at Lady. I’ve been extra loving towards her lately. She’s been kinda hard to cuddle with in these last few months because her pain level has increased. But this week, every day, I am determined to lay down next to her on the floor and spend a little time loving my sweet dog. She loves for her face to be scratched. She’s kinda itchy all over lately, but she’s also shedding badly because of the crazy hot/cold weather we’ve been having, so every time I scratch her I end up with a handful of hair. I did take the furminator to her fur the other day, but I have to be careful with her because her back legs collapse under the slightest pressure. I tried putting my hand under her belly to help hold her up so I can brush her hind quarters, but that freaks her out lately (I think cuz she’s in pain) and she squeals and I end up not finishing the job. It’s the same with her toenails….although I have clipped them anyway, it’s quite a chore.
I feel sorry for her, life consists of sleeping, painfully walking around and sleeping some more. Even with her pain though she meets me in the kitchen every morning to remind me to give her her medicine. She gets 1/2 metacam pill, 1 baby aspirin, & 1 glyco-flex chew every morning and then the same every evening…she never fails to remind me!
I’ve been secretly praying that God would just take her in her sleep this week so that I don’t have to go through with the event on Friday. I’m a big chicken when it comes to this stuff and I could go the easy route and just drop her off and go on home…that would make it a lot easier. But I would never be able to forgive myself if I did that. I have to be by her side when it is done, there is no other way. She has been such a wonderful, fiesty, faithful dog whose main job in life has been to protect her family whom she loves dearly, I owe her that much, to be right by her side, no matter how painful it is for me.
I had big plans for this afternoon, but I didn’t do any of it….I sat outside in the sun for a while while the dogs played around with sticks
Then I took a nap. Today has been a good day…it was sunny, cool, relaxing and my heater only took 4 minutes to bring the house to the temperature I’d asked it to and then shut off!! Wow, before it would have taken at least 15 minutes to work right!
Oh, and I found a name for the new dog 🙂 … Crosby. Tomorrow I’ll tell you why :).