Wie Schreibe Ich diesen Brief?

I have a letter that I have to write. Maybe you remember me mentioning it in my post about one week ago. Well, the letter is still there, waiting for me to finish it. Actually, the truth is that it’s barely even started!! I have probably attempted to start it about 5 times now; however, I only get through the first paragraph before I end up hating what I just wrote and start over again.

I think it’s probably because I just don’t want to think about the things that I have to write about. Therefore, my mind keeps blocking my path to the information that I need to write this letter! Ever have that problem? Most people might call it “writer’s block”, but this truly goes deeper than that. The things I have to say in this letter are there but are  just pushed way back and I’m having trouble retrieving them.

I think you might understand if you try to pull up a painful situation from your past that you have consciously moved away from in your mind. You know that if you bring it up again that you will probably spiral down pretty fast and most likely end up in tears. So, your mind really doesn’t allow you to pull up the information. Or perhaps it’s that you have stuffed it for so long that every time you try to recall it your mind shuts down and warning lights and buzzers start going off. Your mind is saying “Entry Prohibited” as the red flashing lights warn of an intruder even though the intruder is you!

The mind is funny that way. Maybe it’s self-protection, but have you noticed that your mind wants to only remember the good things and works extremely hard to keep the not-so-good things tucked safely away. Guess that’s where the saying “out of sight, out of mind” comes from!

All of this is multiplied and complicated by the small fact that I also suffer from that “disease” called Procrastination! ugh! The letter is due tomorrow and I haven’t got a thing down on paper yet….

This entry was posted in Just ranting..., Letters, Life, stressin'. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Wie Schreibe Ich diesen Brief?

  1. Beth Van Dyche says:

    Vicki, I understand the procrastination problem…I’ve always, always been a procrastinator especially when it comes to writing. I hope your’e able to locate the information in the filing cabinets in your brain! 🙂

    I’ve added your blog to my favorites so I will keep up with you on here instead of FB. So….don’t worry, I’m still here….


    • Victoria says:

      Yay Beth! I’m glad that I still have a way to connect with you! 🙂

      I extended my deadline, so I have a little more time now to get the letter done :). Try not to wait til the last minute this time, there are just so many “funner” things to write than this.

      I guess maybe I work better under pressure?? 😛

  2. Lisa says:

    It’s important for you to remember that you are safe now. You are a grown woman, you are mature, and those things from the past are painful, but you now know you will not die from them. In fact, God refuses to permit them to be more powerful than He is, and He is on your side. You have the FREEDOM to write that letter and declare yourself no longer in bondage to the pain its contents causes you. You can do this!

  3. Candy says:

    Oh Sis!!! Yes, I DO remember you saying you had a letter you had to write.

    I can soooo totally relate….on sooooo many levels! The avoidance because of the past pain level involved….which all lead to procrastination. But not just a ‘lazy’ procrastination….but a procrastination born more times than not…..of FEAR (and we all know where that comes from). Of not being ABLE to connect long enough to retrieve it because ‘Survival mode’ has been in place for so long (mostly out of necessity because others are not only relying on & depending on you, but are placing the full weight of their trust on you). Inviting the painful things back causes the mind to ‘rebel’ and deny access!

    I love what Lisa wrote up there! YOU ARE FREE, and FREE INDEED!!! This freedom most often takes form in the very act of drawing a line in the sand. The enemy wants to intimidate you to the point that you succumb to the fear instead of stepping out. The ‘past’…..with all of it’s painful memories….with all of it’s emptiness (because something has been stolen from you)…..with all of it’s ‘dead ends’ OR ‘lose ends’…..HAS BEEN PAID FOR ALREADY!

    In the end…..what cuts us loose from the enemies’ hold on this pain….which keeps it ever tied to our ‘heart in hiding’….is connecting to the HEART OF JESUS OVER YOU. Not to religious expectations…..or to man pleasing…..or to running away to stick our head in the sand….while we scream….”LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!”

    IF in fact….He is FOR us and NOT against us……then it is also true that HIS TRUTH will set us free…..AND FREE INDEED!

    You have had enough TRUTH from HIS HEART literally WRITTEN on your heart over the years…..that you know it to be true…..that it is safe to crawl up into HIS lap, and lean your head on His Chest…..listening for His Heartbeat. THERE it is safe. And from there alone….will your fingers boldly fly over the keyboard to unlock the prison gate, and release the TRUTH! In so doing….YOU WILL BE FREE from bondage!

    Love and prayers are surrounding you!!!

    • Victoria says:

      Hey Candy. Thank you for your kind, encouraging words too! You are so right…the FEAR is probably the biggest. That’s why my mind keeps trying to block me. I really need to into this without fear. I guess I just don’t want to spiral and I have feared that if I start thinking about it all again it will cause pain, once again! Also very tired of thinking about it all the time, and having to deal with it all the time….sooo ready to move on. FREEDOM!! Awesome word! Thank you Sis! Have to keep listening to the voice of Truth, not the voice that pounds my head all the time and pierces my heart with pain….that voice is lying! Because the voice of Truth tells me a different story and says “do not be afraid” 🙂

      You guys are awesome (Lisa, Beth & Candy) thanks for your responses! You know how to lift a person up 🙂

  4. Candy says:

    I can only lift you up (w/authority) to the degree that I myself have been lifted up ‘on the wings of eagles’ and soared ABOVE it all. I definately don’t know in full yet…..only a thimble full. But what I DO know is this (and by experience, as I lay before HIM, prostrate)…..Rev. 12:11 – “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and that they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

    You, nestled in HIS Love, did not shrink…but rose up, time and time again! You put yourself in the Hands of the ‘Potter’….over and over again….SO THAT you could be an instrument of PEACE in HIS Hands!!! What you didn’t bargain for was the fact that you can ONLY have YOUR part right! You cannot choose for another. You were never ‘called’ to pick up the scraps and the pieces of another and somehow make them ‘be enough’. The choices of another are totally OUT OF YOUR CONTROL……and transferred into the CONTROL of HIM and ONLY HIM!

    The enemy of our souls try to convince us that someone else’s passivity, or unaccountability, or disconnection…..is somehow our fault. But in the end, each stands before God, accountable ONLY for himself/herself.

    I pray that in the final ‘analysis’, (before a Holy God), TRUTH wraps around and possesses your beat-up-heart…and that the VERY KEYS TO THE KINGDOM, (that Jesus retrieved from darkness after He paid a costly price, went to Hell, demanded what was stolen & rose again with His Heart totally wrapped around giving us the ‘Keys to the Kingdom’, and transferring His authority to US), will be the gift of Freedom that ENABLES you to write with clarity, assurance and FREEDOM……this letter to be written!!!!!

  5. Victoria says:

    Wow Candy! All I can say is a resounding AMEN!!! and THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU! You are such an awesome sister!! ❤ ❤

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